Looking back to praise Him ~2015
I wanted to write this post to my blog on the last day of
the previous year and tell you about how happy I am to have you all in my life. I was so
blessed the former year that thinking back makes me want to burst out with
praise and worship to my God. This post will sum the most important steps I
have taken with God in 2015. The most important thing I want to say is that God
is so loving and faithful to me that I’m overwhelmed and love-sick for my Bridegroom.
In 2015 He has flooded me with His love, presence, identity, joy, encouragement, hope and so much more. I was
experiencing Him in such an abundant way.
So let’s start:
The year 2015 began with the OneThing Conference, which was like
a bomb to me…as it is every year. It’s like giving me the right pulse for the
year to come, awakening in me a thirst with the deepest longings to love Him
more with indescribable cravings in my heart. I was energized, filled with awe,
fire and passion taking part in the conference, even though I wasn't there, but was
watching the live stream.
Then we had an event at my church and we celebrated together
the entering into the New Year. We had guests from Hungary and we were many in
a small place. It was crowded, but we had fun and I was happy to see how many
people came, although I had a unique thirst and desire for much deeper things.
A leap of faith at the beginning of the year was buying a
piano, which opened such doors for me. I can’t fathom all that was and is
behind this step. If I would just know when God has exactly put this desire in my
heart and how often He pointed this out to me, I would be embarrassed and sorry
for not listening and ignoring His leading. I was honoring and esteeming those who
played the piano so much, but when I tried learning it I gave up too quickly. I’ve been thinking of even learning other instruments, one for which our church had the right equipment.
In January we as a family had to give up on having a boy in foster
care for more than 13 years. It was
so hard for us as a family to do this, but it was the best thing to do. He grew up in our
family since the age of three, so imagine how hard it was for us. We put him in
God’s hand and still continue to pray for him. In the middle of the month I was put under such a pressure
to move out from my family’s house and I was focusing on God regarding this, not my
feelings…so, I’m still here ^_^
God gave me renewed dreams regarding the rebuilding of the
Tabernacle of David in this town. And I started reading Misty Edwards’ book,
which spoke so much into my life and helped me keep my focus on the One, being
found faithful and pleasing to Him! At the beginning of this year we started meeting every
Sunday evening to rehears some songs for the church meetings and my heart
was yearning for a free worship time where we gaze upon God’s beauty and
stand in awe of His presence. I was seeing a flickering light and I didn’t
force anything, I wanted God to work.
In the middle of February my sister Friede was driven by God
to start a worship meeting exactly on the same day we had our rehearsals, so I
was happy that she was so fiery about it and could do what I wasn’t ready to
do. Starting from that meeting we had awesome meetings where we had so much freedom
that I often was speechless and amazed about how responsive the people were and about what came out of my mouth,
encouraging and empowering me a lot in that time. I was picturing these meetings in a great way, but God made it even better than I imagined. God even gave new songs for
some of us and I received an image of us being pregnant with something new from
God and through prayer and worship (using our mouths) we’ll give birth to these.
In March as I read a book which brought memories into my life which
made me very vulnerable and insecure, I started performing only to impress
people and not living sincerely as I used to do. God gave me a dream which
broke off all those things, because it was really burdensome to rise up to the
people’s expectations. I didn’t want it, but it was an instinct inside of me. I
was comparing myself and I saw myself as poor in the knowledge of the Word, unworthy and immature. I started
expecting a lot from myself even though I really wanted to please God. I was struggling
with rejection and I realized how foolish all these feelings were. But they were
flooding me and I started neglecting my identity in Jesus. After the dream
however I had a very good conversation with God and told Him sincerely “I want
to be myself with my flaws on which You work and with my good parts which You’ve
put into my heart. I don’t know why I forgot all the things you’ve taught me
till now…please help me to fall into Your arms with confidence that You love me
and I love You too, and that this truth should be enough!!”
In April I felt God telling me to prepare to go to the
States and I really thought that I will go there that year, but it wasn’t the
case yet. We paid more than half of the price of the house we are living in at
the present. So, this is another big step in my life and my family's life.
After this I felt the urge to have a House of Prayer in our
town. It was such a strong and persistent desire in my heart that I thought if I’m not doing it, I won’t
be able to stand this yearning and ache anymore. So I started taking little
steps towards it and finally after we’ve been meeting Sunday in the evenings
for a while, we thought of doing it more than once.
In May we made a trip to Budapest, Hungary and attended the
This Is the Day Conference with a part of the youth club. It was such a great
experience! That was another step we never made with our youth club before:
traveling abroad.
In June one of my dear friends announced that he is leaving to go to England and he struggled with some things before his departure. I remember exactly the time he sent me a picture with a dog falling out of the boat…I hope I can find the picture…yay, I did! As I saw this picture God instantly spoke to me: We pretty often feel like that dog! We say: “God, I want to give up! Why not just get under the waves? It’s too hard to hang on” Shwoops…we’re in the water, but He reaches out and puts us right back into the boat and says “Don’t struggle, just sit there and I’ll take care of you. Rest! Am I not having the paddle? I’ll guide you through.” “But Lord, don’t You see those waves! They are reaching to me and they make me wet! Can’t You take me to still waters?” “Trust me, I’m taking care of everything and I’ll lead you wherever I know you’ll grow closer to My heart! And you are getting wet only because those waves which touch you make you more mature. If you wouldn’t feel anything through it all you would be like a robot. But I want you to partner with me through this and feel what I feel, see what I see and be touched by those things I’m touched by”! Look at the dog after he has been put back into the boat...he's expectant, not sitting anymore but being in the front looking ahead what's coming. That's how we will be when we understand what He really wants to speak to our hearts.
In the middle of June another dear friend of mine did a logo for the “Prayer
on Aish” Prayer Room Sighisoara, that's how we named the prayer room. My friend is such a talented and passionate graphic
designer and illustrator. I developed such a deep friendship with her. This was
another step in my life, where God gave me such a great friend, AND she is a
girl (that was important to me…hehe). I'm so thankful to God for putting her into my life! In this month I knew that I won’t be teaching in the Kindergarten
anyway, but I wasn’t sure yet. I knew I had to do some changes, because I was
too busy and didn’t have time for anything. At the end of the educational year I got a bad cough and I
had an ache in my back after much coughing. This persisted till September.
This
was also the month when we made our Prayer Room “official” and we continued since
then to meet three times a week.
In
August our church had a summer camp in the mountains, where we rested and were
happy to be together with others. Then two of my childhood friends got married,
within two weeks. We helped with decorating the church and the reception room.
It was so good to see them dressed in white and be happy.
In
September I resigned from teaching in the kindergarten, which made me sad
because I loved the children so much. It was a hard step but I had to take it.
After that we attended a Hillsong London concert and a few weeks later I sang for the first time at a conference in our town. This was a huge step
which I didn’t want to take, but I was lead to. That’s when my coughing totally
disappeared. I wrote about this in a previous post.
Another
great friend of mine (I’m so happy to be surrounded by such great friends!)
shared with me a Bible Course called Field Training. Field Training is an 11 month online
course designed to mobilize those who want to carry the flame of worship and
prayer to their cities. As I heard about it God has started working something
unusual in me and I knew I had to enroll. That’s when I started this awesome journey,
which has blessed me immeasurably, and still does. This was a huge step, which lead me much
closer to God in 2015 and still does now.
In October I
received a prophecy which encouraged me so much to pursue all that God has put
into my heart. “My identity is the key to my destiny.”
In November I
celebrated my birthday with my kiddos, whom I was teaching and we had lots of
fun. I was happy to have some fun time with them not just teaching and tutoring
them. Then I received such a great prophecy that took me literally by the hand
through the hard season that came upon me without me knowing about it (but God
knew). And I faced those difficult periods having such an inexplicable peace,
because God has prepared me ahead of time (for 2016).
In December there
were all kinds of things going on, giving gifts, receiving gifts and sharing
the birth of Jesus with the children.
During 2015 I was
listening frequently, if not weekly, to Bethel and IHOP, and they were such a
rich well of fresh water to my heart. Then there was something I will never forget: the former year I had such rich encounters, revelations
and meetings with God in the bathroom in the bathtub that I was
overwhelmed by them spiritually and physically. I don’t know why He chose that
place to reveal Himself to me, but He did chose it and I was so thankful that I
could feel His closeness in such deep ways. That was what I was yearning for
with all my heart for so long. The season of spring finally came in
my life. The year ended
with the OneThing Conference and with my illustrator- friend coming over for a
few days, which both blessed me immensely.
I couldn’t go on
writing another post without giving praise to God for 2015. It was a year of God showing Himself in
a clearer way and drawing me closer to His heart. He cleared my eyes to see my
calling in a proper way and painted such a great picture in front of my eyes
exciting me and giving me such an enthusiastic pursuit of His presence. Wow, I
haven’t known that my post will be this long, but I’m happy that I could put
the most important steps I took in 2015 to words. I want to encourage you to
enjoy the journey God has planned for your life.
Psalm 27:4-6 The Passion Translation
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