Dec 12, 2015

Under attack

I'm so sorry for neglecting my blog, but I have no excuse. I have to admit that I was in a weird season for a time. I don't know how to call it and what to think about it, but I think it was an attack on my health. At the end of June I caught a cold and I lost my voice, because of the many summer celebrations at the kindergarten (I think), where I had to sing a lot. I got well after a while, but then I caught another cold with a bad cough. It persisted for months and the cough brought me a muscle ache in my right back, I had an acute ache in my right side where my ribs are and it hurt even by moving around, not to mention when I coughed. It didn't heal with teas, staying warm, doing some herb steaming, ate honey with lemon, etc. Which was weird, because I'm rarely sick. I had made a new great friend and whenever she asked me how I'm doing I had to tell her that I'm not doing that well. So it was weird for me, who is so seldom sick and I was thinking: "oh my... my friend will think I'm a 'cold frog'". A little bit later I got over the cold, but not over the coughing and the rib ache. So after the advice of a friend I went to see a doctor and do an x-ray on my lungs. They told me there's nothing wrong... so I could've stayed at home rather than going to the doctor, which I never do anyway. They said that the place where it hurts is lower than my right lung. In a way going to the doctor was helpful to know that nothing's wrong with my lungs.
At the end of August I was still fighting the coughing thing, so I tried to take Vitamin C to strengthen my immune system... again after the recommendation of my concerned friend ^_^ Then I used a hot pillow, so that you may understand that I tried everything. The acute ache in my back was fading, but the cough was still there. Then in September things started healing, but still when I took a deep breathe, I had to always cough afterwards. Believe me, I never ever had such a thing before.

At the middle of October I was set up by God to sing before an audience. I used the words "set up", because first I was asked to play the piano at a women’s conference, just the sustaining part, because there was someone leading, with another piano. I wasn’t sure if I should accept knowing that I’m still learning to play the piano, but God kept encouraging me till I accepted. I went to the rehearsals, but they didn’t find the right piano for me, so the worship leader asked me to sing with my voice. I told her that she should ask my sisters because they have done this before and I even told her that I don’t trust my voice enough to sing in front of the conference attendees, but she kept insisting and pushed a microphone into my hand. This is how God tricked me into leading worship with MY VOICE not the piano. I think He knew that I would’ve refused to sing if they would’ve asked me to do that in the first place. In that case He didn’t let them find a piano for me and made it for me merely impossible to refuse. I was afraid a little bit that my cough will get worse, because after a rehearsal, my throat hurt. Then there were people, who were looking weird at me, because they thought I'm showing off because I'm leading worship, but it really wasn't like that. So, I thought about giving up, but somehow God empowered me to stay there despite all my insecurities and He kept telling me "I see your heart, that's what matters". I even led a song alone, Forever by Kari Jobe, because the worship leader knew it was the first song I have learned to play on the piano. After the first evening of the conference my cough stopped and I haven't coughed afterwards. It's like a miracle and still everything is so mysterious. It's like chains were broken off that evening!
In the meantime I had great encounters with God, too, and He revealed me many things which made me come closer to Him in a different way than before. It was like a fight against my weakest part, my body. Be it whatever coming against me I know where I stand:

I make my home within the shadow of Shaddai,
hidden in the strength of God Most High,
In Him I always feel safe and feel secure!
Here's how I describe Him:
He's the Hope that holds me, and the Stronghold to shelter me,
The only God for me, and my Great Confidence.
 He will rescue you from every hidden trap of the enemy,
and He will protect you from false accusation and any deadly curse.
His massive arms are wrapped around you, protecting you.
You can run under His covering of majesty and hide.
His faithfulness is a wrap- around shield keeping you from harm.
You will never worry about an attack of demonic forces at night,
Nor have to fear a spirit of darkness coming against you.
Don't fear a thing! Whether by night or by day,
demonic danger will not trouble you,
nor the powers of evil launched against you.
For God will keep you safe and secure, they won't lay a hand on you!
Even in a time of disaster with thousands and thousands being killed,
you will remain unscathed and unharmed!
You will be a spectator as the wicked perish in judgment,
for you will still be kept safe and secure!
When we live our lives within the shadow
of the God Most High, our Secret Hiding Place,
we will always be shielded from harm!
How then could evil prevail against us, or disease infect us?
God sends angels with special orders to protect you wherever you go,
defending you from all harm.
If you walk into a trap, they'll be there for you and keep you from stumbling!
You'll even walk unharmed among the fiercest powers of darkness,
trampling every one of them beneath your feet!
For here is what the Lord has spoken to me:
"Because you have DELIGHTED in Me as My great lover,
I have chosen to greatly protect you.
I will set you in a high place, safe and secure before My face.
I will answer your cry for help every time you pray, and you will find and feel My presence,
even in your time of pressure and trouble. I will be Your glorious Hero and give you success!
You will be satisfied with a full life, and with all that I do for you!
For you will feast your eyes on the fullness of My salvation, drinking deeply of Me!" 

(quoted from Psalm 91 TPT)

Jul 28, 2015

The deep cry of our hearts

I was thinking about things I see happening in our local church and my town and I was often discouraged and I had a deep sorrow in my heart. I've kept hungering for more from God and thirsting increasingly after His presence. I've kept dreaming about a transformed society in this town and awaiting a revival. It's so interesting because a few weeks ago I read Hannah's story in the Bible and I was touched by the story. Afterwards God spoke to me exactly from the same story through Corey Russell's book about prayer. So I'll put these things into this post, because I instantly knew God wants to highlight these things. 

Despite the disappointment and pain caused by the fact that she was barren, Hannah insisted and continued to bring the deepest desire of her heart before God. Right from the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel we meet two wives, very different from each other. One had children, and the other didn’t...

May 1, 2015

Even if you don't feel...

The previous week I've had such a spirit of condemnation and shame upon me. I had such a melancholic depression upon me that I thought I'm going crazy. I felt all the pain that I went through in my earlier years and was feeling so sad and dirty. Although I knew I'm in Christ and I'm no longer the same person I was and although I was living my daily life, these feelings haunted me and wouldn't want to leave. It was like a winter season I was experiencing with its cold winds blowing through every part of me, shivering in the cold and vibrating silently like a single leaf that remained there on the tree after autumn. It was weird indeed... unpleasant as well. Then I realized I was focusing on me, how I lived, how I am and how I'm going to be. I was obsessed with seeing the things I lacked in my relationship with the Lord and all the deficiencies in my time with Him. I started searching for reasons why I'm feeling this way. I thought I was living after the books and I was doing good. "I love Jesus and that's the most important thing I need, so why in the world do I go through this stuff.

Apr 14, 2015

Passionate Giving

Something I wanted to write about for some time is about giving! I want to rely on the Word of God and my own experience with giving. 

Since I was little I have seen my dad as a very generous person. He never thought about giving away freely anything he had. He really gave out of love and without second thoughts. My mom sometimes complained about it, because then he didn't have things he needed, but he never complained and never felt the loss of those things he had given away. I was always amazed about His generosity and unselfishness! It amazed me and I always wished to be able to live like that. Then as we, the children, grew up, I saw how my siblings were generous too and I was again amazed by their example. 

Feb 26, 2015

Hungry for more

I just want to share with you an awesome event that took place and I think it’s important. At the beginning of this year, we've started a worship and prayer meeting on Sunday afternoon, where people who hunger after more of God's Presence and who want to lift God up in unity, come together and seek after that. I know God goes to great lengths to win our heart and to encounter us as a Bridegroom. He is pursuing our hearts, captivating it and we desire to find comfort, strength and rest in this pursuit. He knows exactly how to approach us, how to woo our hearts and awaken a passionate love in us. At these meetings we want to let God have us, let Him do whatever He has to do to awaken us… to make us His completely. We want Him to conquer all of us! We know that pursuing God will be a lifelong journey of ours and that there are going to be ups and downs, but we dedicate ourselves to continually realign ourselves to go after all what He prepares for us. We long to experience God’s love by receiving and responding to it. We want to love Him with all our hearts (affections), with all our souls (personality), with all our minds (intellect) and with all our strength (resources). We want to grow in this love. We want our capacity to be enlarged to experience affection from Jesus. Because it doesn’t grow automatically, we want to cultivate it. We want to be His even though the things that we so desire are withheld from us, even though sometimes we don’t feel His Presence, even though we’re often disappointed by negative circumstances…especially when circumstances concerning Divine promises of blessing are not released in the timing or the way we expected. Yes, this is our heart- cry “We are Yours regardless”! It’s so essential to focus only on the One…oh, if I could use the right words I would really want to use…

Feb 14, 2015

Her Love Story

I wanted to write a post this Valentine’s Day about my blessed and sweet friend and her love story. Her story magnifies God and speaks about how God is truly able to write an awesome love story here on earth for those who wait on Him to do it and trust His guidance. My American friend’s name is Chynna Love Reece, but I met her as Chynna Love Lee. The first time I read her name I loved her and I knew I wanted to meet her closer. I don’t know exactly when I first ended up on her blog, but I think it was the beginning of the year 2011. What I really admire is her humble spirit and her love for Jesus. She is so precious to my heart! In 2011 she started to do a dating fast, where she committed to be single for a whole year to grow closer to God and to find true satisfaction in His love. She started an internship at a church where there was an Australian student, called Callum. She heard a lot of things about him and wanted to meet him, so she sent him a short message on Facebook "I've heard so much about you. I will be the youth intern this summer... Will you be coming back?" He replied her but she thought she shouldn’t keep contact to him, but God had other plans for her. Hoping to avoid being put in the category with people who date someone that they have only met online, Chynna tried pretending her feelings for Callum were nothing. God knew her desires and made a point to ask her what her intentions were. While in prayer, she committed to a year to being single. She told God that if it was His will that she would end up with the young man in Australia, then He would have a year to bring him to her. So after the Facebook message, Callum started being interested in her life. In the third message he sent, he said, "Honestly, I talk about the USA and my time there so much that most of my friends insist I marry an American so I can just move there". All of Chynna’s friends had said the same thing about her, because all she talked about was Australia. I couldn't help, but think that he was the one I would marry.

Jan 26, 2015

God steadies my heart

I've been having some hard time lately, but it kept bringing me close to God and made my heart tender to everything I receive from Him! I'm so thankful that God so often encourages me and lifts me up through songs and words that I yearn to tell and sing to Him but can't find them. He knows my heart and this song speaks of my journey in this moment. I have so many unanswered questions in my head that when I'm going to bed I can't shut them down even though I'm exhausted. I cling to Him with steadfastness, because I know Him, I know He is good and He shelters me from the cold carrying me and never letting me go (Immanuel). I put my world into His hands and He comforts me and steadies my heart. I feel Him in the stillness...oh, what would I do without Him?

Dec 6, 2014

For the dreamers

This will be a short post! I just wanted to say that I am a big dreamer! I envision things and really want them to come into being, but it's so hard to hold unto dreams that don't come true in the time frame I envision it. You need God in such situations, to know Him and to hold on even if on the edge. You should never let go EVEN if you see the contrary. Hold on to them even when your eyes are full of tears. Be the Joseph of your generation and WAIT for Him to act, because He will, oh yes...He will! 

God encouraged me so much after I was pretty disappointed with the things I'm not seeing and would want to see, so I cried out to Him and He came to my rescue. I want to encourage the dreamers out there with the words He told me:

Dec 1, 2014

Spoiling children?

In the past weeks I've been so sorry, so sorrowful and even mad, because I saw parents, mothers and fathers, who can't raise their children. My heart ached so much for the children, who are being destroyed because of two people who can't live their lives properly and take responsibility for their own child. I'm pretty devastated after seeing the carelessness of people with children. I work a lot with children for years and I love them so much and I try to be the best example I can be, by being myself filled with love for them.