Slow down a little bit

I know I haven't written for a long time on my blog. It's not something I have been prioritizing lately and I can't promise or say that I will, in the future. I wanted to come up here now and just write my thoughts down. 

I haven't been feeling good for a few days, I got a cold and I had time to slow down and think. I've realized that I have been working a lot, I have been active doing lots of things and I have made new friends, which occupied a lot of my time. All of these are good and I love all, but they occupy my life, my thoughts, my feelings and my time. I have this way of mine, that I live in my head and I have lots of thoughts. I've learned that it's not wrong, but it isn't right to be occupied with other things first, rather than with what is the most important.

The most important is God and it will always be as such. This will never change and it's something I want more than anything else in the whole universe. The only thing is that when I'm occupied with so many other things, I always neglect something. Because I say "no" to some things, so I can say "yes" to others.

I know I always come back to songs, because they inspire me to stay on the way I chose for the rest of my life. Here are the lyrics of a song which speak a lot about my thoughts now:

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You 

...

I hear You say:
"My love is over 

It's underneath
It's inside 

It's in between
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel
The times that you question, Is this for real?
The times you're broken
The times that you mend
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend
...
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace
The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
My love, I will keep you, by My pow'r alone
I don't care where you fall, where you have been
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends
It never ends"

- Times by Tenth Avenue North

 

I'm not a perfect person, and He knows that best. I run here and there, do this and that, I occupy myself to be safe and to not face things that maybe I don't want to deal with. It's not right. It's good to slow down and come back, return to the basic. I want to fix my eyes on God again, and yet again. Love is here, with us, Emmanuel... everything I'm longing for. My heart was made for Him and it's restless until I rest in Him. I want to let go of being the captain of my own ship, of my own fate, letting go isn't easy. And oh my, how often I asked, "why do things have to be so hard? Why can't things be easy?" and even prayed, "God make things easy! Make things comfortable! I thought if I follow You, You make everything good!" But when I look back, it's rarely the easy and the comfortable times that God is doing good. Every time God has been doing something beautiful and amazing in my heart, it was when around me things were falling apart. It's always me who has to change and not my circumstances, people, situations or places. Yes, sometimes to change me He has to put me in difficult situations. God is the God who brings beauty out of pain, art out of chaos, life out of death, and He is such a good and caring Father that He would never cause His child one needless tear. Oh, how I adore and worship Him! 

Lord of empty space
You breathe and then create
Before the earth was made
You are
The King of every age
Outside of time and space
The heavens speak Your name
You are

Lord of brilliant light
You separate the night
And everything inside
You are
The One who calms the seas
And every part of me
With just a word You speak
You are

Angels bowing down
Beneath the rushing sound
A voice that thunders out
You are
The one who holds the stars
And the beating of my heart
Exalted above all
You are

I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart 

- Tenth Avenue North