Slow down a little bit

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I know I haven't written for a long time on my blog. It's not something I have been prioritizing lately and I can't promise or say that I will, in the future. I wanted to come up here now and just write my thoughts down. 

I haven't been feeling good for a few days, I got a cold and I had time to slow down and think. I've realized that I have been working a lot, I have been active doing lots of things and I have made new friends, which occupied a lot of my time. All of these are good and I love all, but they occupy my life, my thoughts, my feelings and my time. I have this way of mine, that I live in my head and I have lots of thoughts. I've learned that it's not wrong, but it isn't right to be occupied with other things first, rather than with what is the most important.

The most important is God and it will always be as such. This will never change and it's something I want more than anything else in the whole universe. The only thing is that when I'm occupied with so many other things, I always neglect something. Because I say "no" to some things, so I can say "yes" to others.

I know I always come back to songs, because they inspire me to stay on the way I chose for the rest of my life. Here are the lyrics of a song which speak a lot about my thoughts now:

I know I need YouI need to love YouI love to see You, but it's been so longI long to feel YouI feel this need for YouAnd I need to hear You, is that so wrong?
Now You pull me near YouWhen we're close, I fear You 
...
I hear You say:
"My love is over 
It's underneathIt's inside 
It's in betweenThe times you doubt Me, when you can't feelThe times that you question, Is this for real?The times you're brokenThe times that you mendThe times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend...These times you're healing, and when your heart breaksThe times that you feel like you're falling from graceThe times you're hurtingThe times that you healThe times you go hungry, and are tempted to stealThe times of confusion, in chaos and painI'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shameI'm there through your heartacheI'm there in the stormMy love, I will keep you, by My pow'r aloneI don't care where you fall, where you have beenI'll never forsake you, My love never endsIt never ends"
- Times by Tenth Avenue North
 

I'm not a perfect person, and He knows that best. I run here and there, do this and that, I occupy myself to be safe and to not face things that maybe I don't want to deal with. It's not right. It's good to slow down and come back, return to the basic. I want to fix my eyes on God again, and yet again. Love is here, with us, Emmanuel... everything I'm longing for. My heart was made for Him and it's restless until I rest in Him. I want to let go of being the captain of my own ship, of my own fate, letting go isn't easy. And oh my, how often I asked, "why do things have to be so hard? Why can't things be easy?" and even prayed, "God make things easy! Make things comfortable! I thought if I follow You, You make everything good!" But when I look back, it's rarely the easy and the comfortable times that God is doing good. Every time God has been doing something beautiful and amazing in my heart, it was when around me things were falling apart. It's always me who has to change and not my circumstances, people, situations or places. Yes, sometimes to change me He has to put me in difficult situations. God is the God who brings beauty out of pain, art out of chaos, life out of death, and He is such a good and caring Father that He would never cause His child one needless tear. Oh, how I adore and worship Him! 


Lord of empty spaceYou breathe and then createBefore the earth was madeYou areThe King of every ageOutside of time and spaceThe heavens speak Your nameYou are

Lord of brilliant lightYou separate the nightAnd everything insideYou areThe One who calms the seasAnd every part of meWith just a word You speakYou are

Angels bowing downBeneath the rushing soundA voice that thunders outYou areThe one who holds the starsAnd the beating of my heartExalted above allYou are

I give You all of me for all You areHere I amTake me apart 

- Tenth Avenue North

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