Slow down a little bit
I haven't been feeling good for a few days, I got a cold and I had time to slow down and think. I've realized that I have been working a lot, I have been active doing lots of things and I have made new friends, which occupied a lot of my time. All of these are good and I love all, but they occupy my life, my thoughts, my feelings and my time. I have this way of mine, that I live in my head and I have lots of thoughts. I've learned that it's not wrong, but it isn't right to be occupied with other things first, rather than with what is the most important.
The most important is God and it will always be as such. This will never change and it's something I want more than anything else in the whole universe. The only thing is that when I'm occupied with so many other things, I always neglect something. Because I say "no" to some things, so I can say "yes" to others.
I know I always come back to songs, because they inspire me to stay on the way I chose for the rest of my life. Here are the lyrics of a song which speak a lot about my thoughts now:
"My love is over
I'm not a perfect person, and He knows that best. I run here and there, do this and that, I occupy myself to be safe and to not face things that maybe I don't want to deal with. It's not right. It's good to slow down and come back, return to the basic. I want to fix my eyes on God again, and yet again. Love is here, with us, Emmanuel... everything I'm longing for. My heart was made for Him and it's restless until I rest in Him. I want to let go of being the captain of my own ship, of my own fate, letting go isn't easy. And oh my, how often I asked, "why do things have to be so hard? Why can't things be easy?" and even prayed, "God make things easy! Make things comfortable! I thought if I follow You, You make everything good!" But when I look back, it's rarely the easy and the comfortable times that God is doing good. Every time God has been doing something beautiful and amazing in my heart, it was when around me things were falling apart. It's always me who has to change and not my circumstances, people, situations or places. Yes, sometimes to change me He has to put me in difficult situations. God is the God who brings beauty out of pain, art out of chaos, life out of death, and He is such a good and caring Father that He would never cause His child one needless tear. Oh, how I adore and worship Him!
Lord of empty spaceYou breathe and then createBefore the earth was madeYou areThe King of every ageOutside of time and spaceThe heavens speak Your nameYou are
Lord of brilliant lightYou separate the nightAnd everything insideYou areThe One who calms the seasAnd every part of meWith just a word You speakYou are
Angels bowing downBeneath the rushing soundA voice that thunders outYou areThe one who holds the starsAnd the beating of my heartExalted above allYou are
I give You all of me for all You areHere I amTake me apart
- Tenth Avenue North
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