I'm so sorry for neglecting my blog, but I have no excuse. I have to admit that I was in a weird season for a time. I don't know how to call it and what to think about it, but I think it was an attack on my health. At the end of June I caught a cold and I lost my voice, because of the many summer celebrations at the kindergarten (I think), where I had to sing a lot. I got well after a while, but then I caught another cold with a bad cough. It persisted for months and the cough brought me a muscle ache in my right back, I had an acute ache in my right side where my ribs are and it hurt even by moving around, not to mention when I coughed. It didn't heal with teas, staying warm, doing some herb steaming, ate honey with lemon, etc. Which was weird, because I'm rarely sick. I had made a new great friend and whenever she asked me how I'm doing I had to tell her that I'm not doing that well. So it was weird for me, who is so seldom sick and I was thinking: "oh my... my friend will think I'm a 'cold frog'". A little bit later I got over the cold, but not over the coughing and the rib ache. So after the advice of a friend I went to see a doctor and do an x-ray on my lungs. They told me there's nothing wrong... so I could've stayed at home rather than going to the doctor, which I never do anyway. They said that the place where it hurts is lower than my right lung. In a way going to the doctor was helpful to know that nothing's wrong with my lungs.
At the end of August I was still fighting the coughing thing, so I tried to take Vitamin C to strengthen my immune system... again after the recommendation of my concerned friend ^_^ Then I used a hot pillow, so that you may understand that I tried everything. The acute ache in my back was fading, but the cough was still there. Then in September things started healing, but still when I took a deep breathe, I had to always cough afterwards. Believe me, I never ever had such a thing before.
At the middle of October I was set up by God to sing before an audience. I used the words "set up", because first I was asked to play the piano at a women’s conference, just the sustaining part, because there was someone leading, with another piano. I wasn’t sure if I should accept knowing that I’m still learning to play the piano, but God kept encouraging me till I accepted. I went to the rehearsals, but they didn’t find the right piano for me, so the worship leader asked me to sing with my voice. I told her that she should ask my sisters because they have done this before and I even told her that I don’t trust my voice enough to sing in front of the conference attendees, but she kept insisting and pushed a microphone into my hand. This is how God tricked me into leading worship with MY VOICE not the piano. I think He knew that I would’ve refused to sing if they would’ve asked me to do that in the first place. In that case He didn’t let them find a piano for me and made it for me merely impossible to refuse. I was afraid a little bit that my cough will get worse, because after a rehearsal, my throat hurt. Then there were people, who were looking weird at me, because they thought I'm showing off because I'm leading worship, but it really wasn't like that. So, I thought about giving up, but somehow God empowered me to stay there despite all my insecurities and He kept telling me "I see your heart, that's what matters". I even led a song alone, Forever by Kari Jobe, because the worship leader knew it was the first song I have learned to play on the piano. After the first evening of the conference my cough stopped and I haven't coughed afterwards. It's like a miracle and still everything is so mysterious. It's like chains were broken off that evening!
In the meantime I had great encounters with God, too, and He revealed me many things which made me come closer to Him in a different way than before. It was like a fight against my weakest part, my body. Be it whatever coming against me I know where I stand:
I make my home within the shadow of Shaddai,
hidden in the strength of God Most High,
In Him I always feel safe and feel secure!
Here's how I describe Him:
He's the Hope that holds me, and the Stronghold to shelter me,
The only God for me, and my Great Confidence.
He will rescue you from every hidden trap of the enemy,
and He will protect you from false accusation and any deadly curse.
His massive arms are wrapped around you, protecting you.
You can run under His covering of majesty and hide.
His faithfulness is a wrap- around shield keeping you from harm.
You will never worry about an attack of demonic forces at night,
Nor have to fear a spirit of darkness coming against you.
Don't fear a thing! Whether by night or by day,
demonic danger will not trouble you,
nor the powers of evil launched against you.
For God will keep you safe and secure, they won't lay a hand on you!
Even in a time of disaster with thousands and thousands being killed,
you will remain unscathed and unharmed!
You will be a spectator as the wicked perish in judgment,
for you will still be kept safe and secure!
When we live our lives within the shadow
of the God Most High, our Secret Hiding Place,
we will always be shielded from harm!
How then could evil prevail against us, or disease infect us?
God sends angels with special orders to protect you wherever you go,
defending you from all harm.
If you walk into a trap, they'll be there for you and keep you from stumbling!
You'll even walk unharmed among the fiercest powers of darkness,
trampling every one of them beneath your feet!
For here is what the Lord has spoken to me:
"Because you have DELIGHTED in Me as My great lover,
I have chosen to greatly protect you.
I will set you in a high place, safe and secure before My face.
I will answer your cry for help every time you pray, and you will find and feel My presence,
even in your time of pressure and trouble. I will be Your glorious Hero and give you success!
You will be satisfied with a full life, and with all that I do for you!
For you will feast your eyes on the fullness of My salvation, drinking deeply of Me!"
(quoted from Psalm 91 TPT)